Unmaking Mary, by Chine McDonald

'Fascinating book' which deconstructs the myth of perfect motherhood and shines a light on the dark side of parenting

Unmaking Mary - Shattering the Myth of Perfect Motherhood
By Chine McDonald
Hodder and Stoughton
ISBN  978 1 399 81463 8
Reviewed by Martin M’Caw 

A fascinating book. The original idea sprang from the author’s difficult pregnancies and sense of imperfection as a mother which created three areas of reflection for her.  Was the Blessed Virgin Mary the prefect mother her title implied? Theologically does our Father God include female characteristics? Where does her motherhood find its theological home? 

These questions are not faced in terms of isolated theology, but through the hopes and fears that motherhood brings through her experiences. Mary is not to be regarded as a privileged icon, but a hard working working-class woman.
 
There is a clinical review of Christian and secular attitudes to Mary through the ages. Unmaking Mary is similar to unmasking Mary looking behind the historical, theological and moral excellencies that have been relayed to her from early, medieval and modern times. Basically she was a working- class girl chosen by God to be the mother of the Saviour of the world who experienced exceptional circumstances: the stable, the shepherds and wise men, a refugee, and the wife of a village carpenter in a devout Jewish family. Added to that was the motherly link to the ministry of her son, and the agonising witness of his crucifixion.
 
Mary the mother of Jesus becomes the key reference point as Chine McDonald reflects on her own experience, pains and fears of motherhood. She is not looking to denigrate Mary who became a key link between her own pregnancy and motherhood under the nature and purpose of God. This is not a book of two halves but of two contrasts between Mary the mother of Jesus, and Chine McDonald reflecting the theological and humanitarian issues she faces.
 
The chapter on the role of the Black Madonna is encouragement for black and brown mothers, including the author, as it covers the issue of Mary being non-white and the consequential relief brought to mothers facing their problems of busyness and identity in white society.
 
Chine McDonald’s experience of pregnancy and motherhood is not unique. I leant Unmaking Mary to a young mother in church with a four year old boy and a baby of 8 weeks. The comparisons are not dissimilar. 
 
She wrote, ‘Had I not picked up this book, I may have felt 10 times worse than I do now. Although I have heard it all before, this book, within the very first few pages of the introduction, reminded me that this is not all happening because I am a substandard mother. This is completely normal. I am not the first to feel this way, and I certainly won't be the last. Motherhood is hard.
 
'Another wonderful thing this book has reminded me of is motherhood comes with a whirlwind of mixed emotions, all of which you can experience in about five minutes. It reminds me that with each and every emotion, it is ok to happy one minute and sad the next. It's ok to cry for a moment, following by fits of laughter, though this is my second time round and I've 'done it all before' it's ok to feel like I haven't got a clue what I'm doing.

'All these emotions do not make me less of a mother. They make me human. They don't mean I am not enjoying this, as having children is easily the best thing I have ever done.
 
'When I first picked up the book and read the first few pages, it struck me how realistic it was about Motherhood. The author did not hold back. It was an immense relief to know that this is what Motherhood looks like even though I knew it already.’
 

The Revd Dr Martin M’Caw is a retired Baptist minister, and Wing Chaplain to No2 Welsh Wing RAF Cadets, also retired